From the Pastor's Desk : Funeral Reflections

11/4/07

Right now, while we are in a funeral “lull”, I would like to review funeral procedures so that this note will not reflect on any recent events. The family of the deceased is encouraged to participate in the ceremonies. To do so they need an insight into the purpose of the rituals. The overriding principle is that the funeral Mass is a tribute to God for how good God has been to us in this life, and how that life still continues through God's grace.

The family is encouraged to provide readers for the Mass. It is most helpful if you check with me first as to which readings would be most appropriate. And pick readers who are not too emotionally caught up in the moment or have difficulty with microphones. It is often convenient for me to meet with the readers after the wake service.

The same is true for the music: the family should recommend hymns they would like sung, not because they were a favorite of their loved one (“O Danny Boy” comes to mind) but because they speak of the Resurrection of the Lord which underlies all funerals. However, because most people are not familiar with more recent music, it might be appropriate at times to “leave the choice of music to the discretion of the musicians”. I have learned some beautiful hymns that I would never have heard if the organist/singer had not chosen them.

Funerals gather people of different churches and life settings into a ceremony with which some of them are not familiar. Those who are practicing Catholics should receive Communion. Others should pray quietly while communion is being distributed. I will not refuse communion to someone who is obviously unfamiliar with our customs; but you can help me with that awkward moment by telling others about our customs. Communion is that important to us even if they don't understand why. “When in Rome do as the Romans”.

Then there is the eulogy. This causes more difficulty than it needs to. A 3 – 5 minute reflection by one person, with some light hearted stories about how good God has been to us through this person's life is helpful. This too should be done by a person who is not so distraught as to break down under the stress of the moment. How was the deceased's life life-enhancing? Why is it better that she/he lived than not? Where was God's hand active?

More often now cremations are becoming commonplace. They present a unique problem. Ashes should be buried in a cemetery (or in the sea under certain circumstances). They should not be scattered about the deceased's favorite nature walk, or kept in an urn on a mantle piece, or distributed in parcels to relatives. The burial in consecrated ground is our last statement of faith: returning our loved one to the Lord who alone gives eternal life.

In this parish we have a Lazarus Committee that is quite helpful at a very difficult time. We offer the Parish Center free of charge to those who would like to invite the mourners to a reception after the funeral. The Parish Center seats around 120.

Funerals can be a teachable moment of our beliefs. I have seen many people brought back to church or have their lives changed because of the death of a loved one. The Holy Spirit has access to us at that time that is more powerful than at many others. Fr. Gene